10 posts tagged “school”

I feel like I've been asking myself that question to some degree for the last 12 or so years. During that time I've spent WAY too long at a community college, gotten married, and finally decided to bit the now-or-never bullet and go back to school to get a BA. Still lacking direction, I chose a BA in Sociology. After all, I love everything from history to anthropology and the way people interact. I didn't know until a year ago that I was interested in politics (though not politicians or the flawed process of carrying out the law).

If I could do anything I'd make ceramic sculpture, but I know that to be a very perilous path and have decided not to attempt to follow it. When people (at school) ask me what I want to do, I still don't know. The closest answer I can get to is "write". I'd also like to do something that matters. I vaguely imagine that a job at UNICEF, the EFF, or heck the Discovery Channel (pre-their stance on Taxi to the Dark Side) would be good. DemocracyNow!, a Museum, an ethical FEMA?

So my adviser says to me, "you should go to grad school". This wasn't something I'd thought about. My options would be limited. Rather in fact. Moving is not an option. That leaves me with a school whose programs don't interest me and another whose programs do, but honestly can I 1. get in (my grades now are excellent, but my community college days were mediocre) and 2. get funding. Yet another rub, is that I'd have to quit my job. As things stand right now, this would not be livable. Other things would need to change first. So, imagining that all these hurdles are cleared with ease...

What would be the point of getting an MA or PhD? Unless the world and my place in it changes greatly, I won't be moving to a larger or job friendly area. What would I do after the 2 to 7 years it would take me to complete said degree? Teach? Write? What else? I'm not sure I can take a blind leap without some better idea of the possibilities, but if I stay at the present job it will kill my soul.

And yes, I know this sounds a lot like an older post - obviously it's a recurring theme...

I was hoping to figure out what I could to do with my degree (BA in Sociology) while I was working on it. It's not a lot of help to me in my current job. I knew it wouldn't be, of course. Which makes it more for myself than anything. That is fine in some ways, but it's also a waste. Then there is my job. Horrible, yet frequently challenging (though often for all the wrong reasons, thanks to the petty tyrants). I keep thinking that I've learned all about things I don't want to do. And yet I'm still doing them.

My adviser has suggested several times that I keep going to school. I've looked up the local programs and if I did go, it could be another 5 to 7 years of school. I'd have to quit my job, get a part time job, cut my mom loose (she had a disabling on the job injury and I've been supporting her. Now she is going to start working on her MA - am I going to keep my bad job to support her going to school?), and live on less. My husband would have to step up. We'd probably never own a house. Then I look at it another way - I keep the job to get the pay that allows me to support my mom. She needs help, but frankly, she chould do more to support herself. If I bought a house I wouldn't be able to quit (I've wiggled myself into good pay after 8 years and there really are no equivalent jobs locally - small town).

I could go to school and do something enjoyable (maybe teach and write after) or I could keep my future-less job. It's only the rest of my life.

And as I write this I am procrastinating in writing the first draft of my senior project....

And one of those is a break! Yes, in 2 weeks I will be finished with my senior project (then it's one class remaining until graduation). I can't WAIT to have that one week off. I hear that the second half of he project actually isn't that bad, but with my luck it will be. I'm pretty good at making the "easy" things hard.

Take my project, for example. I could have gone with the causes and solutions to something like a poor educational system or gender discrimination, both of which have some element that get people fired up, but no - I had to choose political apathy, which by definition, isn't exactly exciting. I've got about 2 weeks to make it exciting. I'm not tired of the subject, it's interesting, but I need to come up with some zip!

I'm really not interested in graduating in the silly cap about gown. The degree means something to me, but it's not like this is a sure-fire way for me to get a better job. I was hoping to figure something out, but I also didn't expect to go such a political route. I blame my adviser for that. Yeah, that's right, I made things hard on myself by choosing a senior project topic in his area of expertise. So anyway, the cap and gown thing doesn't do anything for me. It didn't in high school, it didn't when I graduated from the local JC. Heck, I've attended the graduation ceremony of a relative who got his doctorate. There's only one way I could top that!

It can be tough to figure out what you want to do for a living. For me it has to be something that will make me happy. Without getting into all my particulars, let's just say that I  am interested in many things, fairly organized, always willing to learn / help / get things done that others weasel out of. I like to write (and do so pretty well). I'm creative. I don't like corporate BS, busy work or having to redo my work because some manager can't decide how things should be presented until AFTER the project is complete.

After many years of just getting by I decided to bite the bullet and finish my BA. I chose Sociology because it interested me, but also because there was a local program that had evening classes. At one time I would have liked to get an English degree. If I could simply spend my life making pottery I would. So I'm working my way through this degree and when I'm finished I'll have the same job. This degree is for me. I hunt the job boards, local JC, school districts, etc., and I can't find a job goal other than "not what I'm doing now." 

As ever, I feel that I lack the connections with people and the community to find what's out there. Everything I see and they aren't jobs that would even later turn into something I'd like) cut my current pay in half. Do I have outlandish expectations? Do I have a bad attitude? Am I already in the best place I can be?

I'd like to think that I could go on in school, but if I can't come up with a real, viable, career goal, how can I justify the time and money?

I've got 5 classes left, then graduation in August. Damn. And it only took me 6-ish years to finally get my butt back into school. Yes, I should have done it much sooner. I could have done it maybe 4 years sooner. Two more classes under my belt this term and two more A's (pats self on the back). The next two terms are senior project time. The instructor is my adviser and I know he won't make it easy. Cringe.

I know a lot of people who still haven't managed to finish school. Not even junior college. Don't get me wrong, that's fine, it's a decision. What isn't fine are the ones who say they want to finish, but think the way will simply open up to them. It won't. It's not easy (though you don't have to make it that hard). There is a process, a paperwork game, and you have to play it. You'll never just have enough money; you have to sell your soul to the loan folks. Do it. I don't know if this degree will get me a better job when I'm finished, but it is worth it none the less. If you want to get back in school find a way!

This is ALMOST the end of my second term toward my BA in Sociology and I've been working my butt off. 9 week accelerated classes (2 of them), the full time job and all the rest of life are a lot to pack into such a short time frame.
On the up side though, at least I'm using my brain for something =)

This post represents the continuation of a major bout of slacking that actually started with laundry and dish washing, continued on to sitting outside to think, then napping in an uncomfortable position and is obviously continuing right now, 4 hours later. It's amazing what a person will do to get out of what they should be doing. one paper to finish for tomorrow and the research project that really needs to be "done" by Monday night - must move on to the actually working phase.

Side note, POTC3 was a blast. Definitely the least of the three, not nearly as good, but fun none-the-less.

The wedding is over and all sewing was completed just in time.  There will be no more sewing for at least the next 9 weeks. 

Why?  Well, I've temporarily skipped part of step .9 (signing my soul to the student loan folks by coughing up some initial cash), finished class #1 (lots of reading, but not too hard other that that) and moved right along to an honest to goodness hard class.

I'm taking 2 classes, one online and the other on site.  The online class has some reading (including 3 short novels) and a few short papers.  the other class is Social Research Design and in 9 weeks I have to: attend 9 - 5 hour class sessions, research and write a 15 page research project (which incluldes a mandatory outline and revised outline), write 6 - 2 to 3 page essays (proper APA formatting and all that), write 8 - one page write ups on a radio program that airs weekly (which means listening to 8 hours of radio), read 9 chapters (in 6 weks), read a couple handout articles that my dictonary needs a dictonary for,  and take various quizes.  Whew!  In a normal semester I'd say it was no sweat, but in a 9 wk one, while working a 40 hr/wk job that has temporarily become my usual job AND someone else's duties while they try to fill the spot - it's a lot.  Did I mention that my instructor is a 30-something-dorky-surfing-PolySci-PhD whose speach cadience reminds me of Jim Rome?

Oh hey! look at the time!  It's Friday night and I'm sitting at home with a paper to write and 2 dry chapters to choke down.  See everyone in 2 months!

This school I'm attending now offers free "success coaching" for the first two terms.  I talk to Sarah once a week for about a half hour.  I didn't think I needed her and was slow to get back to her initially, but now I have to rethink that position. 

I've always been a very even keeled person, emotionally stable, fairly capable.  I take on more than I can handle and bottle up my stress.  Now that I'm a bit older my stress shows physically.  Headaches, knots in my back, clenching my teeth in my sleep - I go through different stress manifestations until I get over one and find a new one.  My biggest stress is my mom who I take care of.

Sarah is well trained.  She asks a lot of questions and knows when to let me blather.  She asks the right questions.  I'm alone in my own vacuum and screaming because I don't get a lot of input or have a lot of support for things in my life.  Much of the support I have is given reluctantly.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that as a blanket statement - it's more that the only person who can directly help me with my biggest stressor feels unfairly put upon.  He is my second biggest stressor.  I hate when the first aggravates the second, which aggravates the first, etc.  Vicious circle with me getting bashed from all sides.

Sarah asked me a lot of very good questions today and asked me to make a list that could be very beneficial.  She is making me step outside myself and see what I can DO other than letting my stressors do as they like and run me to death.

Thanks Sarah.  Until next time.

Classes start on the 22nd and I am admitted but not registered, or is that registered but not admitted?  FAFSA finally done, fin aid appt in 2 days (cutting it close much?).  The really uncool thing about filling out docs for fed fin aid is that they don't take into account those poor bastards of us who support someone (a parent) who doesn't live in your house (for my sanity - been there, done that and was nearly divorced by the time she left).  I'm not expecting free $$$ or anything, but I know I'm going to get screwed. 

And now to purchase my $80 each books...

Really, I'm not bitching.  This will lead to eventual happiness (knowledge, when did that ever lead to happiness?  OK fine, I know what I'm getting myself into and this will be a good thing in the end).

Today I did all the preliminary paperwork, etc for Ye Olde Degree, including forking over some Moola.  Now I have two paths to choose from: 1. shorter, better recognized degree, 2. longer, broader (probably more interesting) path, which includes most of the same classes as choice 1.  I am sick of broad "survey" classes.  Either path is only going to give me a couple of those, but #1 is more narrowly focused and #2 leaves me more room to play (and still never choose something concrete as is my way).

The big question is, what AM I going to do with said degree?  1. paper to hang on wall, 2. stimulate the brain cells, 3. utilize knowledge in current job until I can, 4. find a better job.  Now I don't have a particular job goal in mind.  I never wanted to be an astronaut or a vet when I grew up (I don't think I'll ever grow up).  I also don't think the general area I live in is ever going to hand me my "dream job," whatever that is.  I can only hope that it will come to me along the way.

For now I can take the first few classes and still go either way.  Hopefully the taking of a couple classes will point me where I'd be happier.

Hmmm... lots of "quotes" and CAPITOLS today...